


It’SWAT What You Think

by mymelancholy



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), S.W.A.T. (TV 2017), Watcher Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - S.W.A.T., Denial of Feelings, Flirting, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23234779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymelancholy/pseuds/mymelancholy
Summary: You know, cause doesn’t anything else you do in a night just kind of become 100% irrelevant when you see a giant fucking alien spaceship?
Relationships: Eric/Ira, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I’ve come off of hiatus and it’s to write this, of all things.
> 
> They’re a little more in character for Shane and Ryan than for Eric and Ira but let’s all assume Eric and Ira are just chaotic idiots who were trying their absolute best to seem like legit news reporters to the LAPD, hence the hairstyles.

On the night of June 10th 2016... well a whole fuckin lot happened.

He tried LSD for the first time, he saw his first ever UFO that started his and his best friend’s entire YouTube career, he spent the night at said best friend’s apartment for the first time, and...

Well, uh. Uh, mainly the aliens.

He tended not to think about what the hell else went on that night when they saw FUCKING ALIENS. You know, cause doesn’t anything else you do in a night just kind of become 100% irrelevant when you see a giant fucking alien spaceship? Yea. That’s the way he thought of it anyway, and he assumed Ira did too, as he hadn’t mentioned it either. The... other stuff, not the spaceship.

Needless to say, that night didn’t exactly fade into the recesses of their minds or the unmarked pages of history. Because now that night was their origin story. That night had changed both of their lives for good. Or well, their collective life, as you might as well say at this point. Since the start of their YouTube channel over 3 years ago, collecting 5 million subscribers has meant spending just about every moment of their time together. Which is... fine. 

He already liked Ira enough to spend most days with him before the start of all this, so, even if they do spend most of their time ragging on each other and he would literally, no for real, actually really literally rather die a horrible gruesome death than admit this to him, there probably isn’t anyone else he’d rather be stuck spending all his time trying to prove the existence of the paranormal with.

He feels like Ira... probably agrees. But they don’t talk about it. And who even has the time when you’re busy hunting aliens and demons and ghosts? (“Oh my,” Ira would say if he heard him say that, like he always does when he lists them all together like that, because the man loves himself some outdated references that make only Eric laugh as none of their viewers are anywhere near old enough to understand. But, he suspects he also just likes calling him Dorothy.)

It didn’t start out as aliens and demons and ghosts though. When Eric and Ira were just two normal guys who’d hang out and play video games and get high sometimes after work they didn’t believe in any of this shit. Ira especially, had been called on more than one or two occasions, quote: “a nihilist asshole” unquote. 

That being said, it’s what makes their origin story so special. That night changed everything for them. Because, once they knew aliens were real, it was a slippery slope to “well then what if ghosts are real?” and “oh god, then what about demons? Bigfoot?? Moth man???”

Ira had often asked Eric why he was so quick to hop on board with all this stuff that scared the shit out of him. To which, Eric would normally reply something like “well what about you, Mr. Nihilist Asshole?” and he’d just shrug. Eric would say “well then” and shrug back, and it was left at that. There was just something they liked about it.

But when their fans began asking, they thought they might at least owe them some sort of an explanation. And so began their foray into what Eric was thinking he’d call “The Unexplained Los Angeles UFO Phenomenon That Started it All” or something of that nature; it was a working title, Ira really wanted it to include the words “origin story,” but as Eric reminded him, they weren’t superheroes, and, quite frankly, he sounded like a douche.

So far though, it hadn’t been as easy as they’d expected. They couldn’t find a single person online who’d mentioned a UFO sighting that night in LA no matter how long they searched. But then they’d figured the government had already covered it up so they needed to look elsewhere. They just... hadn’t quite figured out where elsewhere was yet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switches to Ira’s POV this chapter. 
> 
> ...Who is Shane, which I probably should’ve mentioned in the first chapter, in case anyone stumbled upon this having not seen them on SWAT lol.

Currently, they were on about their 7th night of just roaming out in the wilderness, hoping to stumble upon some sort of proof or maybe just plain be abducted by an alien, who fuckin knows at this point.

Finally, Ira sighs and puts the camera down.

“Hey man, don’t you think it’s time we give it a rest? We’ve been at this for hours for a whole-ass week; frankly, I’m beginning to think if we haven’t been abducted or just straight up murdered by SOMETHING out here by now, who knows if any of this shit is even real at all? I mean, where’s Bigfoot?”

Eric turns around and looks at him with the most big, betrayed eyes he thinks he has ever seen in his life. 

“Don’t say that.”

Ira immediately feels bad. They joke around all the time, he had no idea he’d be so hurt by something like that. He sighs and puts his hand on his shoulder.

“Dude, I’m sorry, you know I don’t mean it. I’m just getting really tired and my feet hurt. These shoes aren’t made for 3 hour treks through the wilderness. Maybe we can just sit down and eat and regroup? I have Taco Bell in my bag that, for sure, is not great by now, but you know what I bet’d make you feel better... a nice soggy cheesy gordita crunch.”

Eric still looks a little dejected and he looks back into the woods as if there is something out there they’re going to miss if they eat for half an hour, but finally he sighs and turns back to Ira.

“...Fine. But stop trying this ‘ohh, my feet hurt~’ shit with me, we have the same shoes! They are comfortable! And you know good and well that Bigfoot lives in Willow Creek, asshole.”

Ira laughs and follows after him as he stomps past him in their comfortable boots to find somewhere to eat.

“Yes, I know, Eric.”

But halfway into his second tremendously soggy cheesy gordita crunch, Eric still hasn’t said anything, and Ira is beginning to become increasingly concerned that he actually for real upset him.

“Hey man, are you... upset? You’re really going to town on that cheesy gordita with a ferocity that is quite frightening and I’m beginning to worry you’re pretending it’s me.”

“You think I’m pretending I’m eating you.”

“Well... listen, I truly never know with you, Eric.”

Eric sighs and throws down his Taco Bell in front of where he’s sitting, then starts ranting, mouth still full.

“I just don’t get you, man! You say you believe all this stuff, but then you so quickly want to give up when we’re out here looking for the proof we need! It wasn’t easy for me to find those reports of activity out here but you know I don’t mind doing a lot of research because I care about this but do you even care at all?”

“Whoa, whoa, calm down buddy, of course I care about this.”

Eric looks down, rather it’s at the view they have from the cliff they’re sitting on or at his abandoned cheesy gordita crunch, Ira isn’t sure. But he’s breathing heavily like he worked himself up so he scoots a little closer to carefully put a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, you know I actually do care a ton about this. That was pretty much the most important night of my life, and even if those little assholes don’t wanna come down here and abduct me that’s ok because I already pretty much owe them my life so at this point they really don’t gotta do anything else for me if they don’t feel like it.”

“...You know we’re not just out here waiting to get abducted and that I actually have reports proving there is a patch of ground out here that refuses to grow grass because it’s where the ship landed when they abducted that lumberjack, right?”

Ira then turns him so he can get a hand on each one of his shoulders and actually look him in the eyes.

“Yes, I know, and I respect all the work that you put into your research. If it were up to me, we’d truly just be roaming around, waiting to get abducted with Taco Bell. I’m an asshole, is that what you want?!”

Eric cracks a smile and says “Well that isn’t what I was waiting for but it never hurts to hear.”

“Good, because I am an asshole. I’ll say it as much as you want.”

“Alright, well the pride with which you’re saying it is making it a bit unsatisfying.”

“Oh,” Ira removes his hands from Eric’s shoulders and holds them out and clears his throat as if he’s about to do a scene. He then heaves a very dramatic sigh and drops his head and his shoulders dejectedly.

“Oh, Eric... Thank you so much for all the hard work you do.” Another sigh. “I mean, if it weren’t for you, whatever would I... a nihilistic asshole who can barely work a camera do? What subscribers would this channel even have if it were just me running around, waiting to be abducted and eating Taco Bell? Potheads? Maybe. Certainly not all those people who come for your sexy knees when you wear your pants with the holes and that’s like half our audience-“

Eric pushes him hard and tells him “shut up” but when Ira breaks character and turns to look at him he’s laughing, so he breathes a sigh of relief and smiles a tiny bit himself.

Eric lays back with his arms under his head and looks up at the sky. Ira wonders how he can be so carefree doing this now when he practically cries having to sleep on the floors of some of the haunted abandoned buildings they’ve traveled to. But then, he supposes, there aren’t aliens to look up and search for there. And Eric has always been an aliens boy over a ghoul boy. 

Ira leans back and joins him because he doesn’t care about dirt anyway, aliens or not.

“Ugh, there has to be something we’re missing. Admittedly, yea, you’re right, this is just random alien research and I’ve gotten off track from digging into that night specifically, but... ugh. I’ve gone over everything from that night over and over again and I just can’t think of anything I’ve missed.” He turns his head toward Ira. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“Yea, do you feel like there are any details from that night that we haven’t considered? To be fair, I know I tend to go off and do my own research and forget to ask what you think about things so we probably should’ve gone over it more together...”

“Any details...”

“Yea.”

Ira stares blankly at the sky and starts thinking about that night.

“You wanna go over that night together?”

“Yea?”

“Like... everything?”

Ira can practically hear Eric’s body tense up beside him and he knows if he were to look over at him he’d be lying as stiff as a board with his eyes comically wide and mouth in a tiny tense line, just like he lies in bed next to him when he’s scared of ghosts all night at a haunted house. But he doesn’t check to see if he’s right, because much like when Eric tries to keep him awake all night at a haunted house, he doesn’t wanna see him.

There’s... a lot that they haven’t talked about from that night. Those foggy memories that feature much more of Eric than just his sexy knees. To be fair, he hadn’t even thought about it much himself, but it was always kind of there... pushed off to the side of his mind, but still present. He thinks maybe Eric pushed it all the way to the back though.

So he let it go. It didn’t really matter, either way. Ever since that happened, he’d gotten to spend basically every waking moment of his life with Eric anyway, thanks aliens (he mentally sends a kiss up to the aliens.) So that was it, no big deal. But ever since that night, they had never done LSD again.

Finally, the stretch of quiet lasts a little too long and Ira has to turn his head slightly to make sure Eric is still alive. If he really gave him a heart attack before a ghost, he would never forgive himself.

Eric is alive but he’s blinking wildly now and his fingers are dug slightly into the ground. Ira starts to wonder if he should maybe change the subject or make a joke or pretend he was referring to... anything else. Especially when Eric begins floundering as he opens his mouth and only vague noises and deep breaths come out.

“Uh.” Oh ok, so he’s not doin much better then, is he? To be fair, he thinks, maybe a part of him doesn’t want to change the subject, but just watch Eric struggle until something substantial comes out.

“I mean.” Another sharp intake of breath. “Um.” Another. 

Good lord, man, breathe. 

Ira becomes concerned again and turns his head at the same time his partner finally turns his and oh no, there’s eye contact now.

Long... lingering, eye contact. Then. Mouth eye contact? No, that’s not a thing. But. He’s sure he briefly looked at his mouth. One of them gulps and my god, it’s the loudest swallow a person has ever swallowed. He doesn’t know which it was. Maybe both?

Then it’s completely silent for a moment and right as he begins to believe maybe something is about to happen, they hear a noise that makes them abruptly jump back (had they even moved forward?) And just like that, the mood is dead and he’s quite sure the topic will never come back up again.

Eric bolts up much like he does when he thinks he’s encountered a ghost so Ira follows him up into a sitting position and says “Chill, man, it’s just a car.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, there’s an engine, all the crafts we’ve studied have supposedly worked without one, right?”

“Then... who the hell is out here at this time?”

He starts to respond that it’s probably just some kids doin some smoochin but then cuts himself off when he realizes that it’s probably not the most apt time to bring up such a thing.

“Grab the camera,” Eric whisper-yells, as he gets up and runs toward the area the headlights are shining from. Ira is almost sure it isn’t aliens but he grabs it quick and follows after him anyway, because it could still be murderers or Bigfoot or just someone that’s pissed off at some little man running up to their car in the middle of the night.

He turns the camera on and comes up behind Eric just as he’s saying “That’s the license plate from the amber alert.”

He grabs onto his shoulder to make sure he doesn’t... who knows with him, run out there or something, but then looks over his head and holy shit, it is.

“They’re putting that kid in another car.”

They both watch for a minute as everyone loads into the SUV and it starts to peal away, but then Ira takes a closer look at his viewfinder and realizes you can’t see shit. Before he can really contemplate the risks of doing so, he bolts off after it as Eric panics behind him. But he does manage to focus in on the license plate just as they drive off.

They haven’t been gone for 2 seconds before he feels a tiny fist assaulting his back and Eric is screaming “What is wrong with you?! I know you claim you’re ghost-proof but you really think you’re murderer-proof too or do you just wanna die that-?!”

“Shh!” Ira sloppily puts a finger up to his friend’s mouth to silence him and then lets go and turns his camera around to him while he’s too shocked to say anything.

“You know how you kept saying we needed to look elsewhere? For our information?? Well I just got us our elsewhere.” 

He plays the video but Eric just watches with a confused look on his face then finally says “huh?”

“How much you think the LAPD is gonna wanna see this?”

Suddenly, Eric’s eyes light up and he silently lets out an “oh.”

Ira smiles in a way that any normal person who is not them would surely describe as “evilly” and he nods at him.

And if they held hands and jumped up and down laughing for about 5 minutes after, the LAPD would never have to know. He made sure the camera was off for that.

—

“A potent batch of LSD...”

They’re still standing outside of the LAPD’s office after their disastrous meeting to get the incident log books from the night of their “alien encounter” and they can’t bring themselves to move any farther.

Now that he’s really thinking about it, sure, it does seem kind of possible that the LSD they had done earlier that night was related to the UFO they had seen later that night. It’s just, the aforementioned sex with Eric had happened between those two things and that just kinda threw off the whole timeline.

Speaking of which. He stops rubbing his temples and looks over at him. His mouth is agape and he’s staring forward as if he’s having some sort of existential crisis, which, maybe.

“Everything... Everything we’ve been doing all these years was because of that one night. And it... was bullshit.”

Ira furrows his brow slightly and stares forward again. He feels vaguely offended. Yes, it feels somewhat like everything came crashing down around them but he would never say that everything they’d done all those years was bullshit. It was fun. He got to spend a lot of time doing dumb shit with his favorite person. The more he thinks about it, did he really care if aliens were real at all? ...No, probably not.

But if that’s all Eric cared about did that mean this was all over? He didn’t know. 

“I can’t believe I wore my goddamn suit jacket for this...” he hears him mumble in a tiny voice that is so serious and sad it would almost be comical if he weren’t internally freaking out a little bit right now.

“What... what do we do now?” 

Eric turns and looks up at Ira, awaiting an answer.

He thinks for a moment.

“Wanna do LSD?”

“...Yea, ok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LSD is... a metaphor.
> 
> I’m also pretty much imagining they have no idea where to get LSD from anymore and quickly give up like “Wanna just go back to your place?” “Yea ok.”
> 
> The message here being don’t do drugs, just man up and be gay with your bro all on your own.


End file.
